


Down Payment

by Banshi13



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:06:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28309464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banshi13/pseuds/Banshi13
Summary: “What, um… what was that?” Danny asked after a few moments of Christmas quiet.  Steve smiled, not pulling away even a little bit.  Danny hadn’t either, much to Steve’s delight.“Think of it like a down payment.”“A down payment?” Danny scoffed.  “That makes no sense; I am not a house, Steven.”“Maybe not, but youaremy home,” Steve confessed softly.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 34
Kudos: 256





	Down Payment

**Author's Note:**

> It’s Christmas Eve in 2020, which means I’m keeping my happy little self at home while watching Christmas movies and adding to my Festivus Grievance list for the year on Twitter. So, while I haven’t gotten to visit all my friends like I usually do and while my family won’t be gathering this year in the same house, I’m adding to my Five-0 McDanno collection, because why not? 
> 
> This is a stand-alone fic, not a part of any one series or anything, so grab some hot chocolate (or wine :D) and cookies (or pie/cake), settle back, and enjoy this little Christmas fic o’mine. A little angsty, a little wistful, but lots of fluff, love, and McDanno.
> 
> _Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and the characters found within the series are owned by CBS Productions, K/O Paper Products, and 101st Street Productions. No profit is being made off of this work_.

**Hawaii Five-0**

Since Steve had gotten back just after Thanksgiving, things had been… okay. He’d actually meant to be back on Thanksgiving Day, but his flight had been delayed and, well, he had experience flying leer jets and helicopters, but a seven-sixty-seven was a bit out of his depth. Maybe in his naval youth, he’d have puffed his chest a bit and tried to convince himself he could handle an aircraft of that complexity, but his forties had brought some wisdom Steve’s way, and so he was content to accept that the plane he was originally supposed to fly on was having mechanical difficulties, and he’d settled in to wait an extra eight hours for a substitute flight.

The team, his family, had been happy to see him, he knew that much. Junior had been overjoyed when Steve had walked in the house unexpectedly before seven in the morning on Black Friday. Eddie had rolled a new fur coat all over him and had been very generous in his puppy kisses as he’d yipped and wiggled all over his legs. One by one, phone calls were made and texts were sent announcing his return. Lou had dropped by sometime during the weekend, and Tani had come over with Quinn and Adam in tow. Even Lincoln had sent Steve a text with a ‘welcome back’ gif attached and a promise for a debrief on how Five-0 was doing once Steve was settled.

And then, there was Danny.

Steve had seen Danny, of course. When Steve saw that Danny wasn’t at his place when he arrived, he’d asked Junior where he was. Junior, in a round about kind of way that made Steve nervous to hear the answer, had told him that Danny spent the weekends at his house when he had Charlie. Steve had thought that was pretty weird; his house had a huge back yard and the ocean – why _wouldn’t_ Danny spend his weekends here? And it’s not like he and Danny had been out of touch while he’d been gone; why wouldn’t Danny mention that?

“He says he does it so that Charlie won’t miss you as much,” Junior had answered, and that had knocked Steve for six, had actually hurt him until Junior clarified: “Danny misses you, Steve. Every time Charlie asked about you, and Danny can’t tell him when you’re coming home, it hurt. So, I think he just… kind of kept Charlie away from the house so that he wouldn’t have to think about it.”

The excuse, ‘but I text him and talk to him all the time’ died in Steve’s throat with a stuttering whimper. It made sense when he took two seconds to think about it. Danny loved his children more than life itself. If he could save them from any kind of pain, he would, even if – _especially_ if – he could shoulder the load for himself. Of _course_ he kept Charlie away from Steve’s place; being there would only remind Charlie about Steve, and with that reminder would come questions, questions that Danny wouldn’t be able to answer, which would only disappoint Charlie and probably make the kid think that Steve was never coming home.

Hell, Danny probably thought that, too, at some point. He’d said as much on the beach the day Steve left, hadn’t he? Only Steve was too messed up to realize it back then. 

So, Steve had gone to Danny’s house that very same day, had braved Black Friday traffic and everything, and waited for him to pull into the driveway in the Camaro. When Charlie had hopped out of the passenger seat, Steve was there to catch him as the kid ran towards him, shrieking ‘ _Uncle Steve_!’ as loudly as his little lungs would let him while sprinting full tilt. 

As happy as that moment made him, Steve nearly dropped Charlie when he locked eyes with Danny, because yes, Danny was the best thing he’d seen in eight months, but the way Danny was looking at him – hope and happiness, yes, but both clouded by fear and… and _distrust_ , yes, Steve was sure of that, as surely as he was seeing Danny in front of him – Steve felt like his heart had been punched, and he damn near dropped Charlie because of it.

But Steve had always compartmentalized his feelings exceptionally well, and Danny always had a brave face to put on, especially in front of his children. They both recognized that something had happened in that moment, but for Charlie’s sake, and maybe for their own, too, a silent agreement was made to deal with it later. Steve put Charlie down with one last squeeze and let the kid lead him over to Danny, whose expression now was practically all warmth and gratitude as he hugged Steve tightly, Steve wrapping his arms around Danny and doing the same. He was home, now, truly home with Danny and Charlie. How the Hell it had taken him this long to recognize the feeling was embarrassing, really.

The past four weeks had seen Danny over at Steve’s place plenty, even spending the night again as he’d done when Steve had been away. He slept on the couch (with Eddie’s gracious permission) and when Junior wasn’t around, Danny took his room. They’d had breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, surfed on the weekends and shared beers in the back yard in the evenings. Steve had dropped by Five-0 headquarters plenty of times, had offered his advice and counsel to the team if he happened to walk in on a case. He and Danny had visited the Governor’s office to advise him that Steve had returned and would be seeking reinstatement come the new year (Danny had been _very_ receptive to this idea, or really anyone taking the top job at Five-0, so long as it was no longer him), and had even dropped by HPD to see Duke a few times.

Things were pretty much back to normal. Pretty much. Not one hundred percent, but almost there; Steve aimed to bridge that final gap tonight, actually. It was Christmas Eve, and if there was one thing on this Earth Steve wanted for Christmas, it was for Danny to stop looking at him with an underlying layer of fear that Steve was somehow going to jet off into the great beyond again.

Yes, things were okay, good, between him and Danny. But they weren’t great. They weren’t ‘normal’. Yes, they spent time together; ate together, had movie nights together, sat in their chairs and had Longboards with Eddie lying between them as they talked for hours, together. Sure, Danny had brought Charlie over on the days he had him to surf and swim and grill, and Steve had cherished every one of those days. But Danny was holding back. Steve could tell; Steve could always tell when Danny was holding back, because Danny Williams wasn’t _made_ to hold back. It wasn’t in his DNA. 

It didn’t take a naval intelligence officer or a detective to figure out why, either. Danny was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Steve to tell him, ‘okay, buddy, it’s been great catching back up again, but I’ve got another plane to catch; I’ll see ya when I see ya’. And yes, Steve had needed time away. He wasn’t going to apologize for that, and he knew Danny didn’t begrudge him for it. But something had happened while he’d been gone. He’d sensed it over the months of texts sent and phone calls made, had heard it in Danny’s voice, in his own voice, too. Discussions which were normally short, sweet, and to the point and layered in sarcasm (Danny) or exasperation (Steve) had turned into soft, warm conversations tinged with hope and longing and the overwhelming sense of ‘miss you, babe’ and ‘wish you were here’ and ‘please come home soon’. The words were never said, but the tone…

Danny had always been the one with the tones.

So, Steve had asked Junior to give him his house for the night (Junior happily did so, had packed a bag and shipped himself off to Tani’s place, no doubt for a romantic Christmas Eve night in) and Steve had set to warming the living room up even more than it already had been. He’d strung more lights through the holly running along the landing rail and down the stairs and posts and had added both holly and lights to the entrance arch of the study and formal dining room. Deciding he didn’t like the tree over near the television, Steve had dragged it, ornaments and all, across the room and into the corner under the landing, but then found that a gaping hole was left in his living room and had promptly moved it back. Eddie just looked at him, confused as to why his tree was being accosted in such a way.

Now, Steve was in the kitchen prepping the steak filets, lobster, and shrimp he’d bought earlier that morning. Getting Danny to talk wasn’t hard; it was getting him to say what was really on his mind that was going to be the challenge, especially when it was possible that what Danny had to say might hurt someone he cared about.

And if there was one thing in the world Steve knew for certain, it was that Danny cared about him, cared about him very, very much. He had his work cut out for him tonight.

Steve was outside and in the middle of basting the shrimp on the grill with the butter sauce he’d concocted when he heard the front door open and Danny call his name. “Out here,” Steve answered. A few seconds later, Danny sauntered his way through the open lanai door, a six pack of Longboards in one hand and a covered tray in the other. “I brought beer and dessert,” he offered. Steve grinned. “You know where the fridge is.”

Danny did indeed know where the fridge was, and the plates and silverware too, and he brought both along with a tablecloth and napkins out to the table on the lanai. Steve hummed approvingly as he worked, lifting the steaks and lobster from the fire one last time before determining they were ready and plating them one by one, handing them to Danny once he’d added the shrimp to place on the table. Two Longboards and ears of corn later, Steve was sitting across from Danny, cutting into his filet, and making small talk, filling the air with nonsense while Danny ate and added his two cents in. It was more of the ‘good’ but not ‘normal’ conversation that Steve had become acquainted with over the past month, a discussion style that he hoped to banish from his and Danny’s relationship by the time the night was done.

It was just after nine in the evening when the dishes were washed and dried and Danny was draining his second Longboard on the couch next to Steve. The warm glow from the Christmas lights were more than enough to illuminate the room, and for the first time in four weeks, Steve had truly felt Danny relax against him. “I guess I should get going soon,” Danny said, setting the bottle on the coffee table as he leaned forward. “Rachel wants me to come over and do presents at her place tomorrow morning.”

Steve lifted an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yeah, she said it would be nice for the kids for us all to do Christmas in one place this year, now that we can without wanting to strangle each other, you know?” He stood up, and Steve followed suit, but instead of walking Danny to the door, he clapped a hand on his partner’s shoulder and squeezed. “Come over here for a minute, okay?”

“Over here? Over where, Steve?” Danny griped as Steve led him to stand just under the landing swathed in Christmas lights, holly, and the huge wreath that hung over head with an elaborate, rich red bow attached to its bottom center. Danny looked up and around. “You’re not gonna pull a Christmas Eve prank on me or something, are you?”

“No, Danny, no pranks tonight, especially not tonight,” Steve smiled a took a deep breath, steadying himself as he looked at Danny. “Look, Danny… I know things haven’t exactly been the same since I got back. You know, between us.”

As predicted, Danny made to deny it. Steve could see the crows feet at the corners of Danny’s eyes part slightly before crinkling as he shook his head, as he opened his mouth to refute Steve’s declaration, but Steve was ready for it. “Don’t, Danny, okay?” His voice was soft, pleading with Danny to just hear him out, and not argue with him. “I don’t blame you, Danno. I… I left. I haven’t been here for a long time. For a while, and I know that’s what I needed, I know I warned you about it, I know you understood, but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt you.”

“Steve-“

“Danny,” Steve shook his head stepping closer, so close that he now had to tip his chin downwards to meet Danny’s gaze, those blue eyes of his that had for weeks hinted with dread that Steve would up and leave again, but were now glazed over with nothing but guilt that Steve was bringing this up, guilt that Danny had for himself because he’d been found out, and Steve felt like he had to defend himself from Danny, or worse yet, ease Danny’s fears after everything Steve had gone through the last few years. “I get it, Danny.” 

Steve had no clue what to do with his hands, so he finally settled for resting them on Danny’s shoulders for the moment. “I get it,” he sighed. “All those times we talked while I was gone, all those texts, the pictures – every single one you sent, I know you wanted to ask me when I was coming home, and every single one I sent back, I wanted to tell you ‘when’, wanted to give you a date. But I didn’t have one. I couldn’t tell you when I was coming home because I didn’t know.”

“For a while,” Danny cleared his throat, voice hoarse, “for a while there, I thought you weren’t coming back. I… I didn’t know what to do with that.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t know what to tell Charlie, or Grace, but mostly Charlie. God, the first few months, he asked almost every weekend I had him if I knew when you were coming home.” Danny’s voice was so pained and helpless that Steve almost cursed himself for staying away as long as he did. “He knew we talked a lot, right, so in his mind he figured that meant I knew when you were coming back, except I didn’t. He didn’t understand that; eventually he just stopped asking. I hated that I couldn’t give him an answer, Steve. I… I hated that you couldn’t give me one either.”

The words, ‘I hated you’ went unsaid, but Danny didn’t have to say them, because Steve actually hated himself right now. This wasn’t going the way he’d envisioned. Nowhere in his plans for the evening did he include a section on Danny drowning himself in guilt not well earned. “I don’t blame you, Danny. Okay? Your kid was hurting. You think I don’t hate myself for that? That I couldn’t tell you when I was coming home, when I’d be better, ready, or whatever so that you could tell Charlie? God, Danny, I _love_ that kid,” Steve choked, his throat swelling with a culpable lump that thinned his voice to something barely above a whisper. “The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, or Charlie, or anyone else for that matter, by leaving. I just – I didn’t know – I knew if I stayed, I’d implode, Danny.”

“Babe-“

“I almost lost you, Danny, okay? That… that was the single most terrifying experience I’ve had in the last few years on this island, finding you in that house, almost dead because of me, because of my family-“

“Shut up,” Danny growled. Steve snapped his mouth closed and waited for Danny to finish speaking.

Except Danny didn’t have anything else to say, at least not verbally. Instead, Steve felt hands, fingers really, gripping the sides of his shirt on either side of his waist and suddenly he was being pulled forward and Danny’s arms were winding their way around his back. Relief made Steve drop his face against the side of his partner’s head.

“How many times I gotta tell you that what happened wasn’t your fault, huh?” Danny whispered. “Yeah, okay, I didn’t want you to leave; of course I didn’t want you to leave, you idiot, okay, I love you. I told you that day on the beach, remember?”

Steve nodded. He remembered, alright; and how did this turn into Danny reassuring _him_?

“And yes, okay, fine,” Danny was still talking, because of course he was, and Steve forced himself to home in on what he was saying. “I may have referred to you in some not so nice terms while you were gone, and it’s possible that I promised myself after one of the last times Charlie asked me when you were coming home that I would greet you with a punch to the face for making me tell my kid ‘I don’t know’ dozens of times,” Danny pulled back and Steve blinked his face into focus, taking in a very earnest and firm expression looking back at him. “I’m sorry I’ve been kind of distant since you got back, I just… you know, I’m just worried. About you.”

A break, a lull, finally, in Danny’s rant. Steve seized on it before Danny could think of anything else to say. “You’re afraid I’ll leave again,” he shrugged. “I don’t blame you for that, Danny. That’s what I was trying to say before. I’ve been gone for most of the year and I didn’t really give you a timeline on when I’d be home and yeah, we talked a lot, but never about when I was coming home, Danny, and I don’t blame you for looking at me like you’re wondering if I’m going to catch the next flight out of here, okay? I blame _myself_ for that.”

“So, what are you saying?” Danny was still holding onto him, and Steve was very much okay with that. It was one of the things he’d found he missed most about his self-imposed exile of sorts, that easy, physical, tactile relationship he and Danny had. “You found what you were looking for while cosplaying David Carradine?” A smile tugged at the corner of Steve’s mouth.

“Something like that,” he murmured. He let his mouth fall against the top of Danny’s forehead before curling his chin downward just enough that his lips grazed the skin there. Steve felt the fingers against his sides curve into his skin just a bit more, but besides that, Danny gave no other outward reaction, and Steve was content to stand with him just like that underneath the gently twinkling lights framing them.

“What, um… what was that?” Danny asked after a few moments of Christmas quiet. Steve smiled, not pulling away even a little bit. Danny hadn’t either, much to Steve’s delight. 

“Think of it like a down payment.”

“A down payment?” Danny scoffed. “That makes no sense; I am not a house, Steven.”

“Maybe not, but you _are_ my home,” Steve confessed softly, watching his words sink into Danny’s grey matter, register, translate.

“Steve…” Danny breathed.

“That’s how I know I can look you in the eye and tell you that I’m home, for good. However you’ll have me,” he added, swallowing. “I know I’m probably – I know it’s a long shot, okay, you and me together _like that_ , but I don’t care about that right now. Where you are, and Charlie and Grace, that’s my home. That’s my peace.” He shrugged lightly. “I don’t want to be anywhere else. So yeah, a down payment on me sticking around, on us living long lives and sitting on that beach outside like you told me you wanted before I left…a down payment on maybe something more than that. If you want.”

Danny was staring at him, and while that was usually a source of amusement for Steve, right now it was only serving to sow seeds of doubt that were beginning to sprout into buds of anxiety every second Danny didn’t speak. It was nearing thirty seconds of little to no reaction from Danny and Steve found himself nearly in full panic mode. “Look, Danny, I’m sorry. I get it if you –”

“You _would_ be the one to make me question everything I thought I knew about myself,” Danny groaned, letting his head fall against Steve’s chest. Steve had no idea what to say to that, so he did what came naturally and slipped a hand up along Danny’s neck until it was resting against the back of his head, cradling him gently.

“Is that a good thing?” He asked, hesitation lacing each word.

“I honest to God don’t know, but I really can’t see myself going through the rest of my life with you without finding out,” Danny laughed, the odd, hysterical chuckling floating up to Steve’s ears and giving him tacit permission to breath normally again. A snort came from Danny a few seconds later and Steve pulled back, looking down at him in confusion. “What?”

“Figures you’d wait till Christmas Eve to talk about this is all,” Danny answered, looking up at him fondly. Steve grinned.

“I know how you like Christmas.”

“I do, I like Christmas very much,” Danny said. “Even more when I get exactly what I want.”

Steve hadn’t been anyone’s idea of a perfect Christmas gift for as long as he could remember. “You got exactly what you wanted?” He asked, bashful.

“I did,” Danny nodded sagely. “You’re home. You’re staying. That’s… pretty much exactly what I asked for, babe.”

Steve grinned. “I aim to please.”

“You aim to please,” Danny rolled his eyes. “If you aim to please, can you please aim to find me a bed that’s not going to break my back so I can get up early tomorrow morning, shower, and we can run over to Rachel’s house to have Christmas morning with my kids?” Steve only grinned harder.

“Pretty sure I have a room here for you.”

“I’ll bet you do,” Danny finally pulled away from Steve and wound his way towards the stairs, heading up. “And no hanky panky, Steven. It is Christmas Eve night; I am not going to rediscover or expand on my sexuality with you this late in the evening when I have to wake up at stupid o’clock tomorrow and deal with my ex-wife.”

Danny disappeared from view and Steve stood at the foot of the steps, taking in the sudden realization that not only was Danny not running for the hills, but that he was staying, and bunking with Steve, in Steve’s bed, for the night.

As far as Christmases went, Steve couldn’t remember a better one.

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!


End file.
